Thursday, August 17, 2017

From the notes archive of my mind (or I needed to get this off my chest)

Depression is a low energy state,
being the human default.
Happiness takes effort,
But aren't we cursed to a fault?

To be happy is to be disciplined
to be happy is to have energy
to be happy is to work
but to be sad just works.

My aspirations of and from love
are dead if not dying.
Everyone I talk to, I am watchful—
am I turning into an asshole

Or am I cheating on my past?
Is it even my past, or have I lulled
myself into a limbo of self-ignorance?
To not answer, is peaceful for now.

My laziness must be at its zenith.
Sure I climb out of bed and finish work
but I'm sure as hell not here
not in the zone or anywhere near.

So lost, in a fuzzy cloud of my mind.
Since when am I so dumb?
Has my laziness killed my thoughts?
Weren't motivation, discipline, creativity, love not enough?

Such a glutton to instant gratification.
Surviving on the borderline.
Boy, do I hate myself? My words surprise me.
If only I could trust Sarahah.

Alas, I fear I'm becoming shallow too.

Vanity is def a sin,
And now I understand why sloth is too.
Man mustn't give into self-gratification—it's the strongest poison you'll ever encounter.
Drugs, booze, sodom and Gomorrah, the wolf of Wall Street, being spoilt.

Keep yourself away from the garden of earthly desires, and wilfully, voluntarily, forcefully taste the bitter medicine of walking away from all your possessions.

Ugh, and it's making me want to disown and disregard every one too.

So help me God.