First things first

Growing up. It's a small sentence with a million and one afterburners on its tail; it's both good and bad, unbearable and yearned for at the same time.

I wasn't too keen on growing up — my teenage symptoms still strike back like the empire. But they make growing up so much more enjoyable, to the point that I can actually slow down time and savor every second that passes me by. This 'bullet time' sequence is very delicious when it comes to chewing the morsels of a moment I have longed for years. The eye makes for an excellent camera, as well – recording better than RED at much higher than 120 fps, with quality that would put Blu-Ray to shame.

You know I'm kinda happy when I'm using way too many movie/gadget/blabbermouth references.

Anyway, the thing that matters is growing up. Not as much as the objective of growing up, which would just lead to a fully developed adult, but the actual verb of it in the sentence. You know, when you're growing up, and you get to drive the car by yourself for the first time. Like that. Even though you're 20. Coming in late to the party doesn't matter. Hell, you're VIP. But sitting down in the driver's seat. That. That's what I mean.

But that's still not a complete description to what I have stood witness to. Frankly, it's very easy to describe. But putting it in a mere tersely phrased sentence will rob the beauty of it. What I want is to dignify this moment forever, supply it with the same amount of respect that I've been giving the thing in question, and create a freaking museum out of it. Okay, traveling too far, perhaps. But not as far as I drove!

Not as far as I drove, at all. If you want to get down to the science of it, consider it distance measured in time and incremented in exponential amounts – I did record this in slow motion, remember? – for what is driving a car for the first time? Priceless. What is backing it up and banging it into another car for the first time? Priceless. And doing so just out of the sheer nervousness that grips you because someone is sitting next to you, and you can barely drive for the whole trip? Amazing.

Maybe MasterCard will come in handy sometime.

Open secrets

I had already planned to title this post, whenever it came – "confessions". But things went differently than planned. They went better.

Frankly, I never had much of a plan per se. I just knew something had to be done about this, for what would be the result of me taking this precious little sacred secret with me to a land far away?
I don't know how this conversation ever happened, and I don't know how it got to this, and I'm really at a lack of words to express myself about making it out.

No matter how many times I look back, I know it hurt when it happened. But seven years and fifteen seconds later, I know I'll be glad for every moment afterwards, regardless of decision. Just 'cause.

Plus, who knew this would be a learning experience, as well? I wish I knew how to say no with grace. Or that I could go back in time and change things with the aforementioned knowledge. In any event, my feelings are far too die hard to merely wane.

And my writing is beginning to sound like jellybeans.

And if you're looking for another out of place sentence, tell me, is it even possible to sum up a billion and one emotions into one sentence?

"Um. Hey."

Hey, Ms. Khan.

Um.. Happy birthday! And..yeah! Right. So uh.

Well. I guess that's it. Right?

Uhhmm. I hope you got the letter.

Well.

Alright then.

That looks like a six, right?

I kinda forgot the cake, but happy birthday!

Go ahead, check it out. Don't be afraid, click that image, head to the page and click download! Then, as ritual follows, set the downloaded image as your wallpaper. Forever. 

I mean...till next year, when I make a new one. :D

As humans

Where do you draw the line? I'm not talking about compromise, or your personal frustration with some sort of self-respect draining monster. I'm talking about your own beliefs; thoughts that come to steam before you step out to do anything at all. These are the things you've already thought about, but ruminated over only long enough to scratch the surface. You think you know much more than you know, but you'll have to face it sooner or later -- the fact that you didn't know it at all.

Your presumptions could only take you so far, and unless you have a map or some sort of GPS device, it is highly likely that you've wandered off to the wrong continent. And that's too bad, because you've begun a whole new civilization there; one with pagans and warriors alike, building towers of worship and economy all at once.

I'm pretty sure you find what I say hard to understand, especially at first go. I won't blame you. I don't get what I say sometimes, too, but this post deserves a second look.

Let's look at an analogy here. You go buy a box crayons. When you come back with the said box, you find shattered hopes and eyes and mouths open in shock. What could you have done wrong? What? What is it? Is it the crayons? No, it's the people looking at you. While you were out crayon-hunting, those people had already decided you were going to come back with a mistake. They had already devised a civilization's worth of intelligence based on one fact -- that you went out to buy something. And now, whether you like it or not, you will be hated. Ironically, it has nothing to do with you. They're insecure. In the civilization they've developed, they strongly believe that if they stand an inch closer to you, they'll be out, buying a box of something.

In order to safeguard personal well-being, they perceive anything as threat. They don't want to listen. They don't want to understand. That's it. It's a rock you can never move.

But you can choose to move your own way and travel your own path. Being different doesn't mean you're not normal.

I can't hope to open more minds at the end of this post. I can't speak of much more. But if I were to tell you something; if I were to put it in words I recently heard, "If it doesn't hurt anyone", it's probably not wrong.

People

Sometimes, they just make better sense when they're not with you.

With constant activity constantly revolving around their constant presence, not much thought comes to coalesce on their entirety, but much on your presence with them, as a unit. Working together as a team through turbulent times as a classic example of the one of the better human endeavors is easily achieved with both minds in incessant contact. Also, this results in swifter accomplishment, often in more than one direction.

However, only when you are left alone can you come to terms with them, and your own self. You see, in togetherness, unless you are in some sort of parasitic relationship, symbiosis forces all members of the combination to think of itself as one whole unit. If that's just me, well, then it seems like a good plan for you MBAs to spew out in your next emergency meeting.
In any case, as a unit, your senses rarely realize what every one has been tackling. And when the dust begins to settle, you realize what has been accomplished.

When left with your thoughts, you finally realize a person's significance in your life. What he or she meant to you and what you might soon pine for. Every incident worth your memory comes back in a slower form, much like a scene shot in five hundred takes. As director, you've pretty much seen all of those takes, because you've rejected the first 499. And the last one made it.

Unfortunately, you tend to realize all of this alone. Either that, or when placed in the scenario you should rightfully be in, you won't have to be alone for this enlightenment to occur. Or, in a thirds division, that person won't be stupid enough to leave you alone to think of a nuance of a world that might never make a difference. They'd probably slap that realization in your face.

That'd be pretty awesome, wouldn't it? Maybe you could do that to someone, too, instead of waiting to get slapped, you know.

Sixth semester blues

The sun weighs down my soul.

It's a few hundred degrees as soon it's safe to call it a morning. I would've said it felt cold and dark because that's what it's like on the inside, but this holy Sun of ours has left me with no choice.

Speaking of things that leave me with no choice -- it's not a short list. This brutal college life behaves frantic like a preteen with an M3 on his hands. As if taking an hour to get there wasn't already enough, it has began piling me with much more than its cumbersome culinary speciality of unusually useless files, lost pens and emotional overloads. Now, it has touched a whole new low with this attendance nag.

Three hundred and a few more days ago, I couldn't gather enough of me to write right. Just bottled feelings to the point that they'd eventually leak and erupt at the same time. It's not much different, but hopefully fortunately, it's not much the same either. Of course, I still need to quit talking crazy, but hey.

Trust issues grab me by the neck. Everyone can be your friend and be not so much at the same time. I used to wonder how and when people learned to be people of this world and learned to deal with people of this world, and boy am I getting an answer.

Oh and the encounters with a surprisingly similar soul -- and the turns it brought. Don't get me started. Demons, those.

I already got my license, but if ya know what I mean, driving fo real is a little different. It's good. Feels like I'm finally growing up.

Yeeeeaaah riiiiighhttt.

Is this how it ends?

"But doc, these teenage blues, they're...they're coming up so late!"

"This can mean only one thing, son."

"...that it doesn't end without bright lights?"

"Much so."